Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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