I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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