I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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