if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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