We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
