I just made out with a guy for $7.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
