I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
