Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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