Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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