college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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