my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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