this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
