Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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