dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
