id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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