Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
you made out with another girl for some wings
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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