even my farts smell like vagina
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
