that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
