I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
