I wish life had little blips of pornography
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
