if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
