I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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