toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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