So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt