If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I need moral support for this bender
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.