At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch