Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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