god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
