the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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