Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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