i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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