Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
