it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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