Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
