Please, let me fuck your mom
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
