i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
