so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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