She's JV to your varsity
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
