is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am mentally ready for anal.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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