I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
