forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
