Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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