so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
