hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
