She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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