why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
