Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
