Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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