I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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