I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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