oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
