it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
