he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
