There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
