He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
