dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
