Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
