Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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