Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
