I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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