Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
