Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
