they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
