the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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