Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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