he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
