We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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