I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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