Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
