yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
