We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I smell like Dick and happiness
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
